Lisa, stop listening to the Church and just listen to GOD. The Church’s god is not really who or what the GOD of Creation is. The Church has been lying since day one. I’m sorry to hear about your illness and what your family put you though because of the Church. It’s time to let go of their insanity, their guilt, their lies, and just treat others a best you can. The freedom you find once you tell-off the Church is well worth the time and effort.